Frustrated in Limbo

I am going on a rant! I have been off work since March 1 at which time it took 4 months for my EI to kick in, first the doctor had filled a date in wrong, so I had to resubmit this went back and forth three times! Thank god for fundraising done for us or I would have lost my house waiting for EI payments to kick in. My Caregivers of Critically Ill Children benefits ended November 5th and I reapplied for Compassionate Care Benefits November 11th the exact date the EI office told me I could, I had my medical certificate in hand. Making sure T’s where crossed and i’s dotted (or what I had thought with help from social worker at Cheo to complete the sheets) I went directly into the office in Carleton Place and had them review, yes everything looked good. I was told to call service Canada in 5 days and plead my case for “Dire Need” in which I did. I was told it would be put through to review to call back in 5 days, which I did. I was told I was not accepted for Dire Need to call back in 10 business days, which I did. I was then told they see the medical certificate has been submitted but they could not find in on their system they would put my case to specialist to call back in 5 days. Which I did. I also went back into EI office in Carleton place with my stamped certificate saying I had dropped it off there November 11th. The lady at the desk looked it over and said I need to fill out another section still for consent for them to look at the medical certificate and she would manually enter the information in and re mail-them back to Service Canada with Mail service taking 10 days. I have tried calling Service Canada for the last two days unable to get through because of “High call volume” finally I get through today and I am told they still can not find the certificate and time has run out so I need to get new ones and submit and they will process right way! I am very patient but this is absolutely ridiculous and I am at a total loss and feel so helpless. The communication and the process time of 10 days every time is ridiculous!

On top of the hours spent dealing with financial stuff, This last week Aiden has hardly kept any food down vomiting 2-3 times a day with faint blood in his vomit yesterday also the chemotherapy attacks his body pretty hard this round causing diarrhea, pain and fatigue. I am trying to hold it together with a smile but everyday just seems to get harder and harder. Little things just seem to be adding up and it is just a lot to handle. MRI date was suppose to be on the 3rd but got pushed to the 21st so scanxiety is once again kicking in. I feel like I am stuck in limbo where Aiden does have many good days but the unwell days are still to many leaving me trapped sitting in my house waiting for call to pick him up.

We have had a great Christmas holiday together and I am trying hard to just be so thankful for all the good times we have had. I am so lucky to have gotten this year with him but it also has made it harder as the future is so uncertain. I am usually pretty good at keeping it together but financial stress, sick child, vehicle problems, working through separation, mourning over loss of a best friend and yet another family who lost their child to cancer has started to take its toll. I have started therapy for the first time in my life to try and help me process this voyage. I just feel tired all the time. I have been getting anxiety when I have to go out and it takes all my energy to push myself to do things in social situations. Even mundane tasks seem exhausting. I can’t even find motivation to hardly write anymore, something that I love doing and was a therapy for me, I will start to write but just can’t finish anything. I am told that my body/ mind is trying to adjust to being in constant bear mode for the last two year- The fight or flight response. She explained about the chemicals in your body that get produced and are now depleted or something along those lines. When I told the therapist I thought I was going crazy and losing my mind, I was told that I am normal crazy for this situation which I guess is a good thing but still leaves me trying to accept that this is now my life, I really have to accept that I will never have normal and calm again.

Well there is my Debbie downer rant for the month, one step at a time…

Thank you to all who have and continue to help on this voyage.

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